Sunday, 11 April 2010

Addiction in suburbia

I watch Him
I watch Him every night
He always arrives home an hour before Her
Regular as clockwork
Not missed a working day yet in the last 6 years
I know
By anyone’s standards
Anyway … I digress … Apologies
Let’s try again
I’ll tell it as it is my friend
I’ll try to explain it as though I am filing a police report
That will be fun
Kind of official like
But that obviously cannot be guaranteed because of the nature of this peculiar beast
Let’s have a go anyway

At 1755 PC Bathsheba reports in for duty

At 1800 his beloved company car slides effortlessly into the drive
At 1805 he enters the house
Now here we have to allow an extra 10mins in order for him to settle and prepare
Sometimes though I have to wait as long as 13mins
Those nights are tough ones
Believe you me

See I’m already loosing my train of thought

Ok screw the PC shit
Ill just say it as it is then

So obviously when this anomaly (the extra 3mins – in case you’d forgotten) happens
it does cause me a certain amount of anxiety
Heart palpitations
Sweaty palms
I need my fix
And I need it now
I sit patiently and wait
And wait

Then the bedroom light goes on
It stills my beating heart
I position myself correctly
This is my cue

I know his secret
I watch him every night

Then he appears in all his glory
Standing there naked as the day he was born
He proceeds to sit down on the chair facing the vanity mirror on the dressing table.

Well … I say naked!!!

Perched on his head at a jaunty angle, I might add, is a 1920s straw hat. The crown fits
close to his head, rather like a cloche. The brim is narrow on the left side and wide on
the right side. It folds back on the front left side. Where it folds back there is a red and
navy silk faille ribbon art flower. In the back of the hat by the neck is a large navy faille bow.
The red flower is slightly soiled but otherwise the hat is in good condition.

I’m impressed because I haven’t seen this particular beauty before. It sets my heart all of a
flutter. A hot flush then spreads up from my nether regions immobilising all of my sense
and sensibility. The balmy heat is addictive in its nature.

Slowly very slowly my hand moves down …

You see he normally alternates between:

a) The 1920s turban style hat. This is rather fetching on him because of its beautiful brown silk
velvet with mauve, black, white and tan print. It is also decorated with a brown feather that is
made to look like a bird. I personally find this one somewhat alluring on him.


b) The 1930s black seal skin hat. Now this hat is round and covers the top and the back of his head.
It also has a large fur covered bow on the top of the head which is lined in black silk velvet.
It is lined in mauve rayon silk. Not really to my taste I might add.


c) The 1940s black wool pill box hat. This has a black faille band in the back of the head.
On the top of the hat are 3 black rayon silk leaves with black iridescent feathers that drape over
the top of the hat in the front. This is a great 1940s hat. The only flaw that I can see from my
vantage point is some slight staining to the back of the hat.

And what pray tell does he do whilst he is wearing these hats in his birthday suit in front of the
vanity mirror. Well I’ll tell you what he does. He does absolutely nothing. He just sits there
and stares at himself.

With me, unbeknownst to him, watching him watching himself.

He enthrals me each and every night. Sometimes I fantasize about putting on one of my
little hats and sneaking over there to surprise him.

Would he want me too?

Would he die of shame?

Would he encourage me?

Then I get scared and think that I’m better of just being voyeuristic. Maybe one day though
in the not too distant future I might be brave enough to venture over there. And if I’m welcomed
with opened arms then I might partake a little myself!!!

Now I am sorry if you were expecting something of a more salacious nature.

I could, some might say, be guilty of leading you up the proverbial garden path.

But you have to understand that I have studied this man for 6 long years and I find his peculiarity
strangely intoxicating.

Odd I know but then which of us in all honestly can say that they are truly normal, whatever that is?

Have you not got any little odd quirks that are only indulged upon when you are alone?

Come on be honest with me. … . Please

At 1855 She pulls into the drive and parks next to her husband.

At 1900 PC Bathsheba reports off duty

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